(TRIGGER WARNING: This may bring up a lot of emotions for you. If it does, sit with it and think about what it means for you, even if you're uncomfortable. Please note that these writings are specifically addressing women who wish to get married.)
I'm expanding on what I wrote the day before yesterday asking, "Why do you want to get married?"
Many women want to get married to say "I'm married! Here's my ring!" and to gain the social validation that comes along with being married. The satisfaction of that social validation is fleeting and is not worth everything you'll have to give up for it, and I don't want that for you. I want more for you. I want you to have clarity, confidence, and a strategy to date in the right circles. This is why I want you to figure out your own TRUE reasons that you want to get married.
So, let's keep going with this, shall we? The question today is:
DOES MARRIAGE EVEN BENEFIT WOMEN?
My answer is this:
Marriage does NOT benefit most women, and I say that as a VERY satisfied married woman.
The reason that marriage doesn't benefit most women is because the woman gives a SIGNIFICANT amount of herself in marriage, (particularly if she bears children), and no one REALLY tells her about it. She will undergo physical, emotional, social, and identity changes that her husband will not experience, nor will he understand the extent of the changes she must undergo to become a wife and mother to his children. (Of course, he will go through his own changes, just not to the same extent.) Because it is politically incorrect to openly desire and discuss the truth about marriage, the woman will experience a dramatic shift in her identity which she is seldom ready for.
Marriage only benefits women who are READY, and MOST WOMEN ARE NOT READY.
Most women are not ready to take on the responsibilities of home management, taking care of the emotional needs of herself, her husband, AND her children, to handle the shadow side of her husband, to handle HER OWN shadow side when it confronts her, to handle looking at her body in the mirror after giving birth and not recognizing herself, to handle the temptation to compete with other mothers, to handle his family politics, establish an estate, etc. I could go on, but you get the idea.
Just as much as a woman needs to be married, she needs to be ready to NOT BE MARRIED. What do I mean by this? A woman who is ready is cultivated, secure within herself, and courageous when she's out here dating, and she accepts the fact that although it is her deep desire to marry, she will NOT put up with foolishness to get a ring, which highly increases the likelihood that she will enter a marriage with a high quality man and not the first man that waves a ring in her face. Even after she marries, she knows that dynamics change, and she stays emotionally and psychologically prepared for those possibilities in her relationship should things go south. Interestingly enough, this usually means that her marriage is strongest because there is mutual respect and a much lower likelihood of her husband taking her for granted.
Women need to understand that there are many things that must be done MENTALLY before a woman walks down that aisle if she wants to be an exceptional wife and ENJOY an exceptional marriage.
And that's what you want, right? We all do. We all imagine that we will be/are a kick-ass, exceptional wife. Since you have to take on all these things, it is imperative that it is WORTH IT FOR YOU TO MARRY. What are some of the ways marriage should benefit you?
1. Your emotional needs should benefit. There needs to be a healthy, reciprocal vulnerability between yourself and your potential husband.
2. Your financial needs should benefit. There needs to be a lovely financial increase in your life due to the presence of your potential husband. He must NOT be a burden to you or put you in any type of financial jeopardy.
3. Your social standing should benefit. His character should be such that your partnership looks like a good and appropriate match.
4. Your experience with intimacy should benefit. I'll leave the details to your imagination.
5. Your children/future children should benefit. They need to be created AND cultivated with intention and from a position of power on both your parts.
Of course, this should be a reciprocal partnership, and your husband should enjoy complimentary benefits from you. More on that in another post.
Remember that you can have any wonderful thing. Open up and let Heaven surprise you.
P.S. I'll be going live about this again soon. Be sure you're on my NEW private list (the old one is going away) to be notified when I go live and for invitations to private complimentary videos.
Hi there! I'm Nikki (aka Lady CRO), the creator and director of the Exceptional Woman School, where we work on cultivating the exceptional mindset that allows you to have TRUE confidence and the courage to create and sustain a great life.
The CRO stands for "Cultivating Relationships and Opportunities". I believe the cultivation of yourself, your relationship with others, and your life skills are what give you the ability to create a successful career, a happy and productive marriage, and joyful motherhood, if you so choose. That's what I focus on here.
I hope you enjoy the conversation, and that I'll see you in a class very soon!